2020 was suppose to be my year, but COVID-19 changed everything. COVID impacted my work place. We suffered great loss. Nearly 170 elderly died within weeks. I don’t even know the exact number, sad to say. Only 55 are considered to have died related to COVID because the others were never tested. COVID swept in like a wild fire. I’m use to death in long term care but I’ve never experienced anything like this. The helplessness, disbelief, grief, the bonding, the raw human emotion, the joy for those who survived, the acts of kindness and love.
*TADHANA
*(n.) an invisible force that makes things
happen beyond the control of mortals
the reaper has come to stay
settled in an uninvited guest
undetected he swoops about
shrouded in darkest blackness
unnoticed he begins to pass
from hall to hall
from room to room
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
he whispers to them at night
while they are asleep in beds
the weak are enticed to follow
to where no one really knows
he greedily gathers his souls
gorges himself full till satiated
taking more than his fair share
taking away too many to bare
i remember one day in the midst of all the chaos I turned around and noticed all the charts that had been turned horizontal, meaning those people were no longer with us. For a minute, I felt I couldn’t breath. I felt a panic inside. Everything suddenly seemed so surreal. I grab my things and left the building to get to my car as fast as I could. Once there, I just sobbed and wrote TadHana within minutes.
i drove home and did what had become routine. I got out of my car, sprayed the inside of my car with alcohol, stripped down to my underwear in the garage and headed straight to the shower. Scrubbed my body and washed my hair vigorously. In hindsight I was successful because Adelle never got sick with COVID until she moved out many months later. And I’m not blaming Dan, it is what it is. I’m just making an observation that could be of use.
We were like sitting ducks. We daily watched on the lounge TV as New York was devastated and COVID was spreading its way to us. We read of long term care facilities in Chicago and places in WI. Yet, all protective gear (PPEs) supplies in MN went to the hospitals. Good job MN Health Department, Joan Malcomb. Thanks.
I knew what was coming.. i Just knew and a week before it hit I told my co-worker. I was one of the first to get sick. I was working with a nursing aide who was floated to my unit because my regular aide had called in Sick. At 1300, she told me she was feeling hot and achy. I took her temperature... 102.5. She was asked to immediately leave. Two days later, Sunday April 5th, I woke up and felt something didn’t feel right. Hour for hour my joints started hurting in a way I’ve never experienced.
I tried getting through to work. It was chaos and no know knew where or how to get tested. How can that be? Was the MN Health Department sleeping? Everything changed overnight. I called the Park Nicollet clinic and was on permanent hold. The online information routed me to an online COVID screening. I answered having diarrhea several times a day, so the system stated I need not be tested because I had a GI problem. WHAT? No, I knew I had COVID. My next option was to make a telehealth appointment with my primary provider whom I haven’t seen in 3 years. She did mention that during the appointment. I explained that I work in long term care and that I was certain I got infected. She gave the green light for me to go to one of the COVID testing sites.
On April 8th, I got up, showered and drove to the clinic to get tested. I almost passed out in the shower. With the N95 on in the reception area, I suddenly felt I wasn’t getting enough oxygen and started feeling faint. The staff recognized my lack of response to their questions and next thing I was sitting in a wheelchair. I cringe because being a nurse i absolutely hate that sort of attention.
My text with Ada. Read right to left for correct sequencing. This was too precious I screen shot it.
Audrey, unfortunately, had a nightmare Friday night and slept in my bed. She was never tested but had the same symptoms. Ada’s room is upstairs and she refused to move out of her room, she developed the same symptoms, only a bit milder. The three of us were quarantined upstairs while Andrew and Adelle took care of us.
These crack me up too. Text messages from Audrey across the hall from me. I was just tired, achy, couldn’t taste or smell food, when I did eat I had diarrhea 20 minutes later. Lost 10 lbs in a week. I had no problem gaining those back, btw.
In today’s (12/13/20) Star Tribune there is an eight page article about the deaths at North Ridge Health and Rehab in New Hope. I work at St. Therese in New Hope, very similar setup.
St. Therese was hit hard in April. Their little plan implementation in May was one month too late for us.
When I returned back to work on April 17th, everything had changed. It felt so surreal, like the ER tv show when extras randomly walk in front of the camera to cause more chaos and commotion that’s how I felt. Things were constantly shifting and changing in front of me. Chaos. Different faces. Familiar faces out of place because now PT and OT and Administrators were on the floor working as aides to support the nurses. We were now not rehabilitating but trying to survive. We knew the Young mortician by name and the patient charts behind us were slowly disappearing. The Star Tribute was writing about us. I overheard an incoming vender ask, „Isn‘t this the epicenter of COVID here in MN“? One day I just had to leave. I start hyperventilating on my way to the car. Once there i just sobbed. I did what I now do when I’m overcome with emotion. I wrote. I wrote a poem. This time about the grime reaper. I don’t honestly know the exact number of deaths but I do know we lost approximately 70% (around 170) of our elderly. Just Image that was only in one facility.
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